Robin Stern.com

What is Gaslighting?
July 11th, 2007

Gaslighting is the systematic attempt by one person to erode another’s reality while asserting his own. And when you are second guessing your own reality, because you have given it up to someone else’s reality, you should know that the gaslighting is working. A relationship with a gaslighter might lead you to do what you know you shouldn't and to believe the unbelievable. It can happen to you - with your significant other, a relative, a friend, a boss.

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That's because it plays into one of our worst fears - of being abandoned - and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved.

In my book The Gaslight Effect (Broadway Books, 2007), I guide the reader through the process of identifying gaslighting in their relationships... and stopping it!

When women show up with black eyes and bruises, or report that their partners curse and scream, we rally around and point fingers at the monsters in their lives. When you fall out of love, fight all the time, never have sex — it’s clear that the relationship’s deteriorating.

But when we face a more hidden and ephemeral problem of tattered self-esteem, cloudy vision and forgotten dreams, we end up pointing the finger at ourselves. Something is wrong – but we just can’t give it a name or put our fingers on it.

My book gives that something a name: the Gaslight Effect. And when something is named and understood, it can be recognized and healed.

Buy the Gaslight Effect at Amazon,
Barnes & Nobles, Booksense, or
Powell’s!